Thursday, January 06, 2005

How much is too much?

In turmoil. These words just sum up totally what I am feeling like inside my head. It's a feeling that I am not entirely used to. I'm generally in control of what I do and am able to resolve conflicts within myself easily enough. At least I like to think of myself that way ;-). Yet, now I am feeling as if I have reached a breaking point within. I know I need to make a decision and yet I know not when to make it and which way to sway.

What is risk? And what amount of risk is enough to make you shelve a course of action? I guess every situation and every person has a different answer and each of us needs to decide where our thresholds are. If confronted with a pit in your path and if told that there was no way forward other than this.....if you knew you couldn't jump across the pit, what would you do? Would you turn around and walk back trying to find an alternative path? Would you just wait and hope for something to happen to either make the pit disappear or a new path appear or a means of getting across, whether by a miracle or otherwise? Or would you decide to try and jump across the pit anyway, hoping that even if you fell, you would rise again and climb out of it, to find another way?

If you did decide to jump, how deep would the pit have to be, for you to change your mind about trying the leap? After all, beyond a certain point, the depth itself would convince you that what you stood to lose by attempting the leap (limbs or perhaps even life) was not worth the possible benefits.....

I stand today at such a point. I know not what to do....yet I do know that I must make a decision. For the longer I defer it, the more turmoil I shall undergo......yet, the question remains, how much is too much? I shall go crazy if this goes on too much longer...

3 comments:

Rajat said...

Hey M....

Whoa...u do seem to be in a fix...well, all i can say if that a problem shared is a problem halved....two minds are mmostly better than one...talk to someone abt whatever it is that has brought abt all this....

As for the pit, think i will first like to explore ways to bridging the gap...i am not exactly a risk taker, so i might prefer to turn back and seek other alternatives.

Darth Midnightmare said...

Yeah Rajat, I know what you mean. I too am not a risk-taker by nature or else I would have jumped by now. When the stakes are high, I'd rather keep what I have than risk losing it by attempting to get it all....

As for sharing, well, again, my risk-averse nature will not permit that. I never have been able to. And I do believe that no1 can understand one's situation.....ultimately I must decide my course myself. Alone.

Rajat said...

I never said that u must let someone decide for u!....the decision must always be made by u....but others can help u in making the decision....they can provide inputs....and often there are subtle ways of getting advice...u don't have to ask specifically regarding the problem....a mere hinting at it might get u closer to the solution