Monday, October 24, 2005

In Mars We Trust - IX

Being swamped by exams isn’t exactly the nicest feeling in the world, particularly when having completely lost track of the dates, you’ve forgotten to prepare. Not that I am wont to prepare for exams even when I have not lost track of the dates, but at least this time I have an excuse and in typical fashion, when given an excuse I intend to use it to the utmost. Well, getting back to what I was saying before I digressed into the topic of excuses, it’s not really pleasant when at 4 AM in the middle of a potential lap-record lap on NFS Underground…sorry, I mean, in the middle of…ahem…studying for the 9AM exam, you get thrown off track (No, not literally. I was studying, remember?) by the sudden sound of your phone ringing.

Well, being the gentleman that I am, I took the call and even listened to the invectives hurled at me for an entire five seconds, before I very chivalrously and extremely politely cut the caller off in the middle of a decidedly distasteful description of what my insides would look like once she was through with me…

You see, over the past few months (ever since Mars - I actually), I have often been accused by the women in my circle of acquaintances of having wronged them by misquoting them in my Mars series of posts and if not of misquoting them, then of taking the statements they make completely out of context, adding my own context to it and making the comments sound hilarious and the girls sound stupid. Mind you, I freely admit to doing this. But it does raise this question in my mind – Do these women have a sense of humour? And to thereby logically extend it, do women have a sense of humour at all??

Sample this conversation that I had a couple of days ago with a woman who falls into the above-mentioned category (which in case you have not noticed, now includes all women!).

She: You’re so mean!!! You took what I said, twisted it, took it totally out of context, made it sound like I said all that and made me look so stupid!!!

Me: Err…Ah! That’s true, I guess…but you’ll have to admit, it did sound funny the way I put it, didn’t it?

She: Yeah it did! It was hilarious actually, but it made me look stupid! And then you credited it to some other woman!!!

Me: Oh! Would you rather have had me credit you with that one then?

She: No! But I mean…forget it. You’re so mean! I refuse to speak to you…

Now, this member of the Mahila! Bachao! Morcha quite convinced me that women just do not have a sense of humour when it comes to a joke cracked at their expense or even a joke that’s cracked at the expense of something that is remotely connected to what they have ever said…however long ago that might be.

Now, think of a guy in this scenario instead. I assure you that I know exactly what would pass through his mind and with my extremely limited writing skills, I have tried to encapsulate the entire scenario. Picture if you will, this scenario as enacted in a college canteen and add any side-effects that you like…including posters of Jennifer Anniston (I always do that. I like Jennifer y’know…)

Guy1: And then X walks in and he had snot hanging from his nose!!!
Group of guys around: Hahahahahahahah! Wow! That’s too good man!!! Hahahahaha!!
Guy X (Thinking): OK. Keep smile in place so that they don’t know what I am thinking. Grrrr! I wish I could smash that guy’s face in…no, I wish I could beat him to a pulp. Actually, I wish I could do without ever seeing him or talking to him again...actually, on tenth thought, I wish I could crack a better one at his expense… Hell, I wish I could think up a better one. Susie! Neeta! Help! Damn, can’t even ask for help…ok…keep smile in place till something strikes…

Meanwhile:

Guy1: And guess what, then I bolted the door from the outside while Y was on the commode!!!
Group of guys including Guy X: Hahahahahahahah! Wow! That’s too good man!!! Hahahahaha!!
Guy X (Thinking): Cool! It’s passed… I hope they’ve forgotten that one about me… But I’ll get back some day…

You get the picture? Good! That was the intention. So, by that you’ll realise that guys definitely have a better sense of humour than women! We can take jokes at our expense. As a contrast, I offer you this one… Imagine a woman in this situation and think of how things would turn out…

Guy1: And she told me not to tell anyone, but this is too good. You know, she actually likes X!!!!
Group of guys: Hahahahahaha!!! That alien? She likes him? Oh man!! Hahahahaha!!!

Can you imagine what that woman would do to the guy? Nope, words fail me…the mutilation that I imagine astounds and horrifies me… Suffice to say that our poor Guy1 was probably never quite the same man again. That is, if he was ever a man again…

Let’s face it. We guys may not be the most discreet or the most diplomatic; not even the most subtle come to think of it, but you can’t deny that we have a better sense of humour!!! Can you imagine a guy saying to another guy (or a girl for that matter) that he refuses to have anything to do with him (or her) because he (or she) cracked a joke at his expense? Hmmm… Even if a guy wanted to do that, you can bet your bottom dollar - and even your bottom rupee if you feel like it - that he wouldn’t say so!!! After all, we do have a sense of humour you know…

Well, at this point I think I should reassure all those who are named in my extremely substantial will, that I have now increased my insurance cover. I deemed this the right course of action after being nearly lynched by activists of the Mahila! Bachao! Morcha yesterday. For some reason they didn’t quite seem to see the humour in Mars – VIII. I guess we can put that down as yet another example of how absent a sense of humour is in women apart from the few who happen to appreciate the Mars series.

By the way, the afore-mentioned attack also helped me realise exactly how the name of the association was born. One look at the activists and the first thing that came to my mind was to scream, “Mahila!!! Bachao!!!”

20 comments:

karuna said...

I'm sure she will talk to you again. Like most other things, i don't think she literally meant what she said. Besides, alot of us do have a sense of humor you know. ;) I wouldn;t come back now would I?

Neha said...

You really are very very mean..lol.. but i still can't help laughing at ur Mars posts.. never mind how highly exaggerated they mite be :P

The Mahila bachao slogan is an especially bright one :P give it to some men suffering atrocities at the hands of women :P

and oh.. women do have a sense of humor ok? if they didnt there wud b noone to laugh at those stupid jokes which guys crack :P

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Karuna: She's one of my best ever friends....of course she'll talk to me. If she doesn't, I'll have to make a depressed next post to convince her about how low I am... ;-) ....Naah!

@Neha: I do agree. You are included among those few women that appreciate the Mars series :D

BTW, don't tell me that missed the satire :-)

Anonymous said...

This is not at all true... guys could have a better sense of humour when it comes to pulling others but they don't ever take jokes on them as sportingly as girls do... proof's there in ur post...
Guy X said he would get back some day... well then I don't think he took it very sportingly, he's already thinking of revenge, but the females you've been writing about would probably crib once or twice on how could you have twisted their words(which I believe is a very natural thing to do) but they'd for sure forget all that n enjoy reading those posts more than anyone else...
Hmmmm... was generally surfing through... liked ur Mars posts.... n others too :)

Anonymous said...

women have a sophisticated sense of humour which i'm afraid u'll never understand Mike XYZ (wanted to full-name you)
heere's a rhyme which says it all...

So Adam went about laughin' n rollin'
While dignified Eve jus' kept strollin'
God, alarmed, thought smthg must be done-
Poor Eve needs her share of fun
Yes, she needs a toy-
N who else is there but the big boy?
And since that fateful day
Having the last laugh has been Eve's way!

Susie

Anonymous said...

hey...why do only women leave comments on ur blog?

Susie Derkins

Darth Midnightmare said...

Susie D, it must be said,
In that first comment I'm disappointed,
For on sarcasm you've surely been bred,
And yet by my post you were misled?

Aah! The agony of satire being wasted :-(...

As for the fact that only women have commented on this so far (apart from me of course), mademoiselle, surely you're better placed to answer that one!!! :-)

Anonymous said...

hey!...i understood the satire awright!

abt women commenting...i don't mean this post...i mean in most of ur posts...n neeta(another blog i think i'll like) has mostly male commenters :)

Susie

Darth Midnightmare said...

Hmm...never looked at that really...but now that you mention it, you may be right...as for Neeta, Hell, her's is easy to explain! She's got this really massive fan-base y'see. And it's not just a justified one, but one that is easy to understand... As for mine...ummm...must say that I am totally clueless...

Darth Midnightmare said...

Oooh! Could the satire have something to do with it du think????? At least on this one? ;-)

BTW, Susie D, i am really intrigued...du think we could consider your calling me XYZ a bit ironic?

Anonymous said...

(scratching my head)
they(whoever the f is "they") say u know a man by
a) his handshake...then i don't know u
b) by his fruits...then i don't know u coz don't know what the f that means!..children??
c) by his enemies/friends....then i don't know u
d) by his reading...ah! then i do...n in that case XYZ is a bit ironic (really appreciate that one...but for the p g wodehouse which i really can't bring myself to read...ok it's funny...but don't like to read n laugh)

n grrrr...yeah...am *sure* it's the satire...no other reason can be "justified " or "easy to understand" :)

Susie

abhinav said...

This comment is just to scientifically disprove the claim that no guys comments here.mikey , you are my bible on understanding girls.i was talking to this girl last evening and i was like "ahaan , now I know why you just said that , the mars theory explains it too well".and she was like "mars theory?".so i gave her the link to your blog.so she read ur mars series and came back to say "Duh.That guy writes well , but all the wrong stuff.But clearly , the exams got to his head.".but , she is a girl , so she must mean something else.mars thoery.you gave me the truth man.

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Abhinav: Thank you :-). As for the femme fatale in question (I dunno about the fatale part but all women turn fatale - in my view - at some point, ex when they bring the scythe out :-( ). In my not so limited attempts at understanding that species all I have understood leads me to believe that while she completely agreed with what I say, she disagrees...see? They're contagious with the antitheses. I'd also say that she resents what I say because shez so afriad that you may believe it and get closer to the truth....refer Mars -4 for details ;-)

Susie: Errr... I'm not just flattered but completely flattened... (yes that is flatteNed). Thank you ;-)

midnightmare666@hotmail.com

Cheers!

Darth Midnightmare said...

BTW, Susie D, can I call you Susie Q????

And hey...must say this one ;-). Do read PGW...not for anything else, but your comments lead me to believe that you may enjoy it...just like I do enjoy associating myself to Bertie...and no, that has nothing to do with the fact that I like the way he describes Florence (in looks department - she being fit to be the star unit in any 5-star sultan's harem...)...

Darth Midnightmare said...

@DJK: *Sigh*...am sure that satire should mean something to you!!!!

OK, am struggling right now...will someone please tell me how Relationship Management is diff from Customer Management and how Cust Reln mgmt is diff from Supply Chain Mgmt???? S/w engineers, please pour forth with non-technical words (refer Technologically Speaking for details on details)...

Anonymous said...

oh awright...i hv a couple of PGWs at home...will read...i did read doctor sally in highschool...remember liking it a bit

n hey..susie q is just fine...i like creedence...proud mary specifically...oh n i swear i don't see that flirtatious in any way :D

n ur mngmnt doubts...sorry can't help much...but i hv a feeling SCM is abt what needs to be done in a warehouse n CRM is abt what *could* be done in one :D:D (oh n i'm in SCM btw)

Susie

Vidhi said...

hi there mike...just glanced thru the post...and i see u r quite determined to discern us females...all the best!! will read soon at leisure!

Anonymous said...

kitne bandiyoon ko satayega be...!! :p

~CBM

Darth Midnightmare said...

Susie Q: Very nice...and if you do read PGW, please go through the Jeeves and Wooster ones (Blandings etc are ok...but the J&Ws are the zenith of all works of humour...).

As for the SCM thingy, at times I am convinced that these terms are all just a smokescreen... I mean look at it...you're in SCM and all you could offer there was what you "feel" about what SCM could be...I worked in a field where I kept spewing jargon and making presentations on ERPs, SCMs, CRMs and all those and here I am with not a clue on any of them and yet the class highest on the ERP assignment...

Vidhi: Oh sure...go through at leisure...that is another thing I missed actually. We guys are patient. Women are not...maybe I'll detail my views on that in the next one...

CBM: Shri Shri Shri Vin Ad, I am honoured by your presence...Will His Grace also tell me where he is these days? Still a labrat for the saps? ;-). As those VJs of yore used to say on those by-demand kinda freak shows, mail me, fax me, phone me... I may not have a fax and my mail server may be down...and the mobile network may suck in the hostel...but hey, I like using that line :-)

midnightmare666@hotmail.com

Darth Midnightmare said...

Susie Q: Oh! I missed that one... You don't see it as that? That's nice... Nor did I... :-). As for the Revival of the Clear Waters, well, there was this bad Moon Rising this night while I was going up around the bend. I noticed this sweet hitch-hiker who asked me if knew about the riverboat Queen. I knew that it was the one featuring the travelling band and hey, tonight was the last show...so while I was looking out of my back door and wondering who will stop the rain, me and that proud Mary decided to go rollin' on the river...

It was that which actually lent more credence to the entire thing...and before you accuse me or call me a working man, lemme just ask you to take it like a friend... :-)