Sunday, July 10, 2005

In Mars We Trust - VI

This one is for ~J~....dedicated to her post about the lack of men with "initiative" and all those kinda things.....

Guy: “Umm…you know, errr….I, I really ….errr…..I really like you.”
Woman: “THAT has got to be the worst way of saying it that I have ever heard.”
(Awkward silence….woman twists a lip….the guy feels like jumping in front of the oncoming lorry. It was certainly a prettier sight imagining her weeping over his body than standing here like this being ridiculed…..)
Woman (after a 1 hour silence. At least it seemed like an hour to him.): “I’ve been waiting for months to hear you say that….”

Now, whenever I narrate this to a guy friend, he, like me, is all sympathy for the poor man in this, who’s made to squirm and feel like a total loser in this entire scenario. The women however, think it’s “So sweet!!!” Kinda predictable. After all, they are a species that delights in inflicting pain and humiliation on us ever-tolerant males…..

I mean look at it. Who’s the dumb one in the afore-mentioned conversation? The woman knew the chappie liked her for months, given her words. She also knew she liked him and she knew he was the type that dilly-dallied for months!!!! ….So what on Earth was stopping her from telling him herself????? Well, that is the logical thing to do, you’d say (if you’re male), but from where they stand, you see, that would mean forgoing the best way in which to make this chap feel small!!!!

Now, I can already hear the women clamouring and asking, “Why didn’t he tell her before???” Well, my dear ladies, the fault for that lies in you too! Think about it……a typical conversation between a group of women:

Woman1: That guy was such a jerk!!! I mean, he just walks right up to me and goes, "Can I buy you a drink?" Like, "Hel-lo!!!! Do I look like some kind of pick-up????? Get lost!!!!" You should have seen his face!!!! Looked like he wanted to kill himself (Laughter all around the table)

Woman2: Yeah, those guys are such creeps!!!! Like this guy who walked up to me last night and went, "I've been looking at you all evening" and I was like, "Huh?? Dumbass, I just got here!!!" Loser!!! (More peals of laughter)

And it goes on. Now, do you really think that after facing such sadistic brutality, these guys are going to be in a hurry to approach another woman….”take the initiative”, as women like to call it? Now contrast this to what would ensue if a woman, however hideous, approached a man……I can see the civility that would ensue. It’d probably sound like:

Woman: Hello, I saw you from over the bar. Can I buy you a drink?
Man: Uh….sure… problem….
Woman: OK….

It’s obvious that after a while this man will get a call from his girlfriend, wife, mother or his ex-boss’ manservant or maybe his maid’s dying grandmother, making it imperative for him to leave, but you see, he’s left the woman her pride. Do women do that with us? Uh-huh…..I mean, they’ll watch us fall over our feet and not just rub it in, but also go and crack jokes about it (with tons of exaggeration) to their girlfriends…..

So, just what do women want? Well, in my opinion, they just want to bring more misery to men. All I need to do is reflect on this conversation I had with a friend of mine recently….

Me: So, did he call?
She: No, not yet…I wonder why….has he called you for my number yet?
Me: Huh? You mean he doesn’t have your number?
She: No. I took his and told him I’d give him a missed call…..
Me: Then how do you expect him to call you?
She: He should work to get my number na? Let him make an effort ya.
Me: Huh? Dumbass!!! Call him!!!
She: No, let him stew…..

Huh???? Am I the only one that thinks she’s dumb???? Anyway, we all know women are dumb in any case, so why dwell on that?

Getting back to “taking the initiative”, have you noticed the number of easy lines that are no longer acceptable? I mean, women now don’t just want a man who approaches them, they also want a line they’ve never heard before…, how many stupid things are there that you can tell a person you’ve never met????? Kinda silly to expect newer stuff everytime if you ask me…..coz at this rate we’ll soon have men trying out stuff like, “So, which shampoo do you use for your pet poodle, if you have one?” or “Do you support Japan in their anti anti-whaling crusade?” or, “Which coloured tiles do you like in public restrooms?”

Seriously, if this is what feminism and women’s lib are all about, I’m all for a return to the Victorian era….though I must say that reading the travails of a certain Bertram Wilberforce Wooster has certainly made me wonder if things were any better then……

To top it all, I now have even the stupid advertising industry against me!!!!! I mean, women, WOMEN kept telling me that I should now leverage on the fact that am in an IIM……Well, that’s fair enough….or so I thought….

So, I got to Bombay with these grand plans…..only to see that the most popular ad amongst the women at that time was this stupid billboard with this woman on it saying “So, I am not from an IIM….so WHAT???” And these same women "looooorrrrveeee" it!!!!! ????????

*Sigh* Women……


Naveen Nathani said...

ahhh...finally a post i can fully agree with...will comment on it later
but kinda funny
u do have the bestest of friends!!!
and is ur emotional barometer always showing the same readoing "in turmoil"?
is this ~J~ person susie derkins?

Darth Midnightmare said...

Yep...I do indeed have the best of frenz.....and the smartest ;-)

As for the emiotional barometer, it's changed :-)...and ~J~? No idea man......just liked the blog :-). Susie, ~J~, please do clarify..... ;-)


rohit kaul said...

My room no. is 1244
yahoo id rohitkaul_nsit



Zarine said...


abhinav said...

fabulous mikey.Your grasp of some things is just so complete.The mind may be in turmoil , but its not asleep.

Naveen Nathani said...

well susie asked for the in mars wew trust posts and then u dedicated this post to J so i thot maybe...neways
i agree with u on te proposal thingy...people say we must treat women with my opinion ewvery woman has got to earn respect for fact every creature has i never feel like i owe neone even an ounce of respect...
and theres somehting known as mutual respect...tho i believe that girls wait for guys to ask them out ...perhaos it makes them feel important...but u know its all abt understanding each other and te maturity of the people...some people might take the vies that a girl askinga boy out is a sign of desperation but again if u go by the perceptions of people u havent even met...then there is no salvation for u...
so really iyts an individual or a couple thingy...

mike dude...why dont u put ur own i really wanna know the girl u proposed to or who proposed to u...
am just kidding man!!!
but at least tell us who was the one who did it first?

Anonymous said...

Hey MVB…looks like some people think you are so frustrated with women that you may be looking at alternative lifestyles!...I mean people posting on your blog "my room number is..."!

Women expecting men to take the initiative..not very libby right?..Orrrrrr could it be….uhmmm….

Sure we wanna be libby in the 21st century. We do know that if we want something real bad we’ve gotta go out and grab it, and not wait around for it to come. And yeah, guys are easy. The odds of getting rejected are just 1 to a zillion million. But still we don’t ask.

Say a girl finds a guy real hot.
Girl: Can I buy you a drink?
Guy(damn! Wish I had that bath before coming. My car? My room? ): Sure!

Get it? The girl just wants to talk and possibly see if there’s a connection but no guy will ever get that! We *know* what guys want.

Now if the guy goes to her and asks first, she’ll pretend to falter though she’s thinking ‘Oh wow! He noticed me!!’. (Of course the rules vary from city to city. Bangalore is not Manhattan.) If she’s a dating doyenne she’ll do that phone number thing you mentioned. OK I’ve heard guys say ‘Whovever invented this play hard to get thing??! Grrrrr..we already have enough lack of self-confidence in such situations and you girls wanna play this game all the time!! Give a guy a break! Be honest! You find a guy hot n wanna know him better…just say it!’ Yeah right!! If the girl gives the missed call the guy will read it as ‘Whoa! Sexy moi is gonna get lucky!’

Being libby is being smart enough to finally get what we want…it’s the end and not the means that counts :)

She wants to get to know the hot guy. But ‘easy’ should never become her middle name. And the guy has to feel a sense of achievement if he gets to talk to her more than once. That’s the end. And the means..well…yeah…the guy has to go through all that trouble while she goes ahead with life seemingly indifferent to the existence of the poor chap. Very smart. Very libby.

Why all the hypocrisy? Coz …in Venus we trust :)

N yeah…easy lines are no longer acceptable. Yes yes yes all girls have very tired legs and need a drink but that’s coz of running away from that oh-so-cheesy pick-up line. If a guy intends to use the ‘what’s your sign’ line he’d better be prepared for the ‘stop’ retort. Lack of originality is a big turn-off fellas!

Oh and I’m not ~J~. And I’m no dating expert either. We people from Venus are good listeners and just get the big picture real clear :)

Susie Derkins

Darth Midnightmare said...

lol. Actually, I had asked Kaul his room number for some work, he being a junior of mine :-)

As for the "hard to get" thingy, yiou see, where you women make the mistake is in the balancing act. You never know how far is too far.....perhaps I could address that in another post ;-).

Naveen: My experience???? C'mon....surely you don't expect me to make an ass of myself in public!!!!! ;-)


Anonymous said...


This is very (read very very) similar to an article by Dave Barry. You may want to state your sources henceforth.


~j~ said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~j~ said...

ah! first, thanx for the dedication and making me immortal in blog-history!

i'm beginning to wonder whether you write these thoughts in absolute honesty or... coz these conversations that you quote paint a very poor picture not only of women, but also of men. okay, here's what i think:

* irrespective of who makes the first move, its not easy for either side. as if coping with the usual pressures was not enough, there is the added stress to be accepted by the person you like. its alright to say, "if you love someone, set them free. if they never return, they never were meant to be your's in the first place." this, i think, is misconstrued to a great degree. we all have our egos, biases and perceptions set in cement - hard to dislodge!

* you generalize ALL women, and crucify us all for the sins of a few. not fair :|

* even if the girl did what she did, i think the "poor man" should have learnt to take it in his stride and methinks, he would have been prepared for the worst (read: slipper making contact with his face) if he was not so confident.

* i'm beginning to wonder, where do you go to eavesdrop on women's conversations? LOL!
as for the "buying a drink" routine, trust me....this is INDIA, my friend. we may have our page 3 types and our glamour quotient intact, but when it comes to commoners like us, its not easy to go up to a strange man or woman and ask if you could buy him/her a drink. come to think of it, my tequila shot was bought by a guy and i accepted only because i knew the guy. i don't think anybody here would accept drinks from strangers. the horror stories would then follow.

* and since you seem to be an expert on girl talk, maybe you can also throw light on men's locker room talk about their 'conquests' - real and fictional.

* about the girl not leaving a number, i say its entirely her loss! better luck next time...

* easy lines? if men got women to look at them with easy lines, i'm 100% sure the men will brand such women as "cheap", "easy", and the like. surely, these are not the kind of women you bring home to mama, na?

* feminism and women's lib are not about degrading men; they are simply about making everybody aware of issues which relate to women (and FYI... there are many men who are feminists too!). what you're looking at is its extreme side; i neither believe in not propagate the bra-burning brand of feminism.

and finally...

* find a better use for the IIM tag. i'm sure our nation and the world at large need brains like yours for their betterment. forget the billboards!

* and yes, dude... don't do a post-mortem of everything you read. sometimes, one needs to take it with a pinch of salt and loads of humour. life's like that!


@Naveen - this ~j~ person is right here! and am not Susie Derkins.

@Zarine - :D

Darth Midnightmare said...

*Sigh*......sometimes I wonder why on Earth people take everything so seriously.......maybe I just don't live right....

And A, I have no freaking idea what you are talking about.....I have twice pasted stuff here that I receive in mail...and on both occassions I have declared where I got it from......the posts titled "In Mars We Trust -3" and "Ode to Nice Guys" idea what you are talking about...but would certainly like to read what you have pass it on....this post was mainly made up after a conversation with a friend a few nights ago...

And ~J~, did ya really take it that seriously? :D.


Darth Midnightmare said...

Oh, and please folks, go easy on that poor chap in the first conversation....that was a very genuine conversation, and I know that chappie really well....... :-)

And ~J~, errrr........women blame "men" in general for being creeps and jerks and wanting only one thing in life. How about me borrowing your line of "you generalize ALL men, and crucify us all for the sins of a few. not fair" :D:D:D:D:D:D:D.


Anonymous said...

people...u've gotta take only 2 things seriously in life...ur work n ur government...thaz all!

Susie Derkins

Vidhi said... doubt that u write well mukund. if all that was in the name of humour, it's fine. women arent really all that bad! and ~j~ has written a very good answer as well!

~j~ said...

ah! forgot one lil thing - your first line: This one is for ~J~....dedicated to her post about the lack of men with "initiative" and all those kinda things.....

was wondering if it should actually read "lack of initiative in men"! lol!

and yeah, i do take this seriously even if you didn't. coz i'm a woman and proud to be one!

tabs said...

happy bday

~j~ said...

its your birthday??? many happy returns of the day! i do hope you achieve all that you set out to do!

naveen said...

happy 25th dude....many more to come...

Vidhi said...

hey...when was ur bday? well...a belated happy birthday! :)

kjgvjv said...

wow, u have penned a pure reality... liked the blog man.... still i wonder if i am falling for those dumbasses.......

Darth Midnightmare said...

Sorry, but that last word was uncalled for in the tone that you used it. It may just be the way I perceive things (which is why I said sorry), but still...

If you allow one person's choice not being what you wanted it to be, to prejudice you and bring the bitterness to that level, I can't appreciate your viewpoint.

Hypocrisy never got one anywhere. Think of what you would have said in the alternate scenario,.....I really doubt that your words would have been the same.

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