The Crowd Within

I hate crowds. Can't stand them....yeah, I guess you're wondering how I happen to love Bombay so much then.... But it's not like I hate crowds as in the crowds one sees on the railway stations...those are just a mass of people.....I hate crowds as in a large group of people I know, of which I am supposed to be a part....

It's something I have been conscious of for ages. In Engineering college, people couldn't understand my reluctance to join them in their revelry, they took it as snootishness and of course, I was classified as a "snob". Still wasn't enough to spur me into making any social overtures. And it's still the same....all these years later, I am still where I was then.....

I feel stifled in the crowd....there are people you will like...but in the same measure there will be people you don't. You share a different level of acquaintance with each person there, some are just casual "diplomatic" acquaintances...some are intimate. But you've got to play to the tune the masses want. So much better just sitting with a small group of two or at most three people whom you are really comfortable with.....if not alone.....

But we all make mistakes and you do occasionally put your foot in the mouth in the biggest possible way...."Careful what you wish, careful what you say, careful what you wish, you may regret it, careful what you say, you just might get it", as Hetfield puts it so beautifully.....sometimes you ask for a finger and get an arm that you just don't want!!!!

It's almost as if people feel better surrounded by a crowd...as if it satisfies their need for social acceptance....satisfies an insecurity within...or is it just me that thinks that way? I don't know...and frankly I am beyond caring....

Exams are over.....will be heading out of here tomorrow.....wish I had a bit more of the old rebelliousness tonight.....the will to just turn my back and walk away from certain things......ah well, I'm going to face certain things for the rest of my life.....may as well start now.....