Sunday, April 10, 2005

Appendix for "In Mars We Trust - I"

Don’t know if you ever studied it, but when I was a kid in school we had a subject called “Community Living”. Now that I look back on it I realize what utter crap we were taught in that subject. Take a small example. “When crossing a road, first look to your right, then to your left and then to your right again. If there are no vehicles approaching, it’s then safe to cross”, it said. Now, if you live in Bombay like I do, or in any other civilized city (which therefore means you live outside India) you will know what utter crap this is….

Follow this teaching and of course, you’re going to be consigned to a life on the pavement, filled with all the joys of being one of those “waiting-to-cross-the-road” In-duh-viduals. And that would be the way you’d then be destined to live until a stray meteor fell on your head putting an end to your incident-packed and pollution-filled existence. The sensible way to cross the road of course, is to run onto the road with wide eyes and arms waving wildly in the air, screaming that there is a tsunami headed in this direction. Upon hearing this all the motorists immediately freeze or turn their vehicles around thereby allowing you to cross the road like Moses crossing the Red Sea (the water connect leads me to believe that Moses used a similar method).

Ah well, that’s just one of the senseless things we were taught….there were tons of others, like offering a seat to a lady….the last time I tried that, all I got was a look that indicated that the lady thought I was trying to rape her or something……which was highly unlikely considering that she was only around a hundred years older than me….*sigh*……it’s a tough life…..

Anyway, some people asked me to post the joke about the genie and the highway, so here goes (I’m surprised you haven’t heard this really…though I am sure you know the meaning anyway)…..

There’s this guy that, as happens in all jokes of this kind, gets stranded on a deserted island (will someone tell me where all these deserted islands spring up from and how it happens that no jokes find people from other jokes meeting up on their deserted islands????). Well, anyway, this guy is on this island somewhere around 10,000 miles away from home…….and once again, very predictably, he finds a magic lamp. Wonder of wonders, he realizes it’s a magic lamp, and having heard of Alladin and all those of that ilk, decides very sensibly, to rub it…..

There appears this mandatory genie of course, who tells this chap to ask for a wish. The conversation between the genie and the chap thereafter went like this:

Chap: Uh, I’d like this 8-lane super-expressway right upto my doorstep in California, so that I can drive home and can drop back here anytime I want to, coz this place is really beautiful.
Genie: Are you freaking insane???? Do you realize the logistical problems with that sort of project??? The concrete, cement and steel required to build supports right from the floor of the ocean…that too for 10,00 miles??????? Ask for something else dude….
Chap: *Sigh* Well, ok….you know what? I’d like to understand women…as in really know what they’re thinking…so that I know what I can do to make them happy….
Genie: *Sigh* How many lanes did you say you wanted on that highway????

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