Monday, March 28, 2005

Silver Linings of Charcoal Black

Most of us spend our entire lives deluding ourlseves. We dream up situations that we want to believe we are in. We even dream up personalities that we believe are us. We cloak our failures in the garb of "successes waiting to happen". When things go wrong, we try to assure ourselves that it's "all for the best"....that there is something better waiting for us round the corner....that the clouds have a silver lining.

So why does that silver lining remain just that? A silver lining. But the delusions continue. We erase from our minds, or try at least, to erase the disappointment and the frustration. Until one day, at times years later, it all comes rushing back. And still the attempts to delude continue. Why can't one just face the fact that it happened and that it just totally sucked? Why must it always be a case of "forgetting about it" or "getting over it" or "snapping out of it"?

The worst part of it all is the damn sickness you feel when you realize it's all essentially pointless. The greater the delusion, the more the grandeur of the environment we dream up around us,. the harder it is when it all comes down....like they say, the higher you go, the harder you fall. SO perhaps, it is but apt that the highest "highs" precede the greatest lows.....

At times the future seems like a mirror. You were always told that history repeated itself, but you never believed it. Then someday, something happens, and you're back there. You see it all unfold again. But there's a difference. You're not in the past, you're in the present. And yet, you make the same mistakes. It's almost like the feeling of going down in a whirlpool. You see the impending disaster. You know the feeling. You've been there before, but you can't stop yourself this time.

You're still hoping the outcome will be different. After all, they also tell you that lightning doesn't strike twice.....ah, well, they forget perhaps, to add that it might, when it's not just high voltage bolts from the freaking sky. So much for analogies......and yeah, there have been instances of even those hitting the same spot on a lot more than just one occasion.....

4 comments:

Zarine said...

So true.I dunno,so often one is made to believe,or rather chooses to believe that everything will be alright.That it's just a phase and will pass by.

Nothing passes by.Things remain the same,as long as you remain the same person.Incidents repeat,you feel down,you think better times will come.And they are gone before they come.

Nothing really stays,Mike.Nothing.Things remain the same,you have to change yourself.Choose how you prefer to act/react.But then,only if changing one self was so easy...and life continues to unfold the way it used to.

Darth Midnightmare said...

Interesting point. But can you change yourself? You may change certain superficial attributes of yourself....like a person that trusts and has been let down may try never to get close to more than a few close friends, but essentially, the person will remain the same. Like this hypothetical person may appear cynical, but within his group of trusted friends, he will still be as open and honest as he was.....so what has changed? Only the superficiality.....

Crazy Mind said...

Why do we think so much...? Things doesn't get better by mere thinking but by thinking...finding the fault and acting on it...but probably there are some times when we just keep thinking...relishing in that...enjoying the misery...don't giving any damn..and too lethargic for actions.
Don't giving advice buddy..myself passed through these kind of times...

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Crazy: Perfectly right on wanting to improve and all that.....

But I am not advising anyone....that would be the last thing I do. As for enjoying misery, does anyone enjoy misery? You may learn from it, you may not shirk from it, but could you enjoy it? I doubt it....

As for why we think so much, I don't have the answer.....but my opinion is that everyone does think....it's just what you think of that differs....