Monday, December 26, 2005

SE: In Mars (???) We Trust - I

At the outset, let me wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. The time when most are sitting at home and reclining in their armchairs (at least those that possess one) and what you may well ask, am I doing? Well, I am sitting here in my cold hostel room and thinking of what garbage to spew out now, for I really can’t think of a better way to occupy my time…

Now, I’m sure that the women in my limited audience are probably completely befuddled with the “SE” part of the title of this one. Well, the guys will just have to be patient here while I explain it. I’d advise the guys to read this part and then nod their heads in condescending sympathy when the meaning becomes apparent to them. It should of course, be apparent to the meanest intelligence that it stands for “Special Edition” as anyone who has played NFS2SE should know (Please don’t tell me you don’t know what NFS is!!!) and now the guys, who I am sure will now have remembered the game (you have my permission to pretend you have in any case, even if you still feel like scratching your head), can start the nodding…

The concept for this one never really existed in my mind of course as - being a guy and very proud of being one - I am not naturally inclined to mocking my own species, but I must admit that some of the things I have seen don’t just defy comprehension; they beggar belief!!! Take for example the extreme gullibility of men… It would be quite fascinating, if it were not for the fact that I too happen to be one. On occasion, I have even found myself wondering if I have been guilty of something even close to as hilarious as the things I see happening around me…

I wonder how many of you are registered on Orkut. If you aren’t, I’d suggest you register right now…for the entertainment value if nothing else. Every time I feel a bit low and feel that I need a good laugh, all I do is log on to Orkut and it’s not like they have a daily joke digest or anything. Oh no, it’s much better than that!!!

Yes, I am talking about the infamous scrap-books on Orkut. Every time you need a good laugh, just read through the scrap book of a female member, preferably one that has posted a photograph. Some of the gems I have read in today’s “Scrapbook of the Day”: (The comments in the brackets of course, are my views ;-) )

“Hi, myself N from Pakistan. I want making friend of Indian. You look very sexy (So gentlemanly, is it not?). Please make my friendship. I will obliging you (I loved this line. It’ll take me till D-Day to figure out just which way and what he meant!!!). Thank you. (Actually, thank you for the entertainment. Thank you so much!!!)”

“Hi, you look just like woman of my dream (You have just one dream???). Will you come in my dream (I thought you said she appeared in them anyway!!!)? Hope you will reply. Good night (Err…do I say sweet dreams?).”

“Your photograph is very hot. Are you using any beauty-creams? I am an Engineer (Why? Oh God! My ilk again!!!) from XYZ CoE and currently employed as Engineer (really???) in ABC Tech. (Can I have your complete resume please?). Please give me your friendship (No, all engineers do not speak like that.) or call on my mobile (Hmmm…direct, aren’t we?).

Now, this really is not about mocking the English that these chaps use. What really cracks me up is the fact that the profile of the woman in question sports a picture of Aishwarya Rai, the user’s name is in a similar vein (also an actress’) and the profile description says, “I love reading your scraps, so please keep writing them and mail me too.” *Sigh*…and then men talk of women being gullible creatures…

It’s a fact that is beyond debate. Men will believe just about anything you tell them. There is seemingly no end to the capacity of men to believe all the rubbish you’re willing to feed them with. Think about it. How many women do you hear saying, “Oh! I can’t walk, but wait till I get into the seat. I can drive perfectly fine. Drinks have no effect one me!!!” A personal case in point to illustrate the gullibility of men is that I only realised when I was 20, that they did not actually charge you more if you were on the upper deck of a double-decker…how my mother must have laughed :-( !!!

There are several examples of this that you will see in your daily life. For example, most guys think that a person who can do a Jim Carrey or a Mike Myers imitation will have the women swooning over him. I thought that too and I was good at JC imitations. I couldn’t for the life of me see anything wrong with my theory, since JC was dating some very hot women if the tabloids were to be believed. The fact that he was said to be nothing like his screen persona in real-life never really struck me as having any connection to this issue… The fact that I felt that the contorted expressions looked gross in the mirror merely cemented my opinion that there was no accounting for women’s tastes… More on that some other time.

Yes, self-delusion is the name of the game when it comes to most men and we really do have it perfected down to an art-form. What else can you infer after being party to this conversation? And I swear to you, this is true and happened just as I have written it.

PS: Man, was sitting in the canteen today when P walked in. She waved to me!!!
Me: Really? I thought you had never even spoken to her!
PS: No, I haven’t, but I have seen her eyeing me before and today she was staring at me throughout!!!
Me: Are you sure? Did she speak to you?
PS: No. She was talking to that fresher woman actually.
Me: Oh, she was talking to her while looking at you?
PS: Yeah. Must have been easier for her considering that SA was standing at the counter though.
Me: Huh? Why would that make it easier?
PS: Well, the counter was right behind where I was sitting. So, it was in a straight line, so SA would not have felt odd about it…

Of course, on the positive side, this one resulted in perhaps the most hilarious prank in out college’s history… :-)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

what is NFS2SE?

Susie

Darth Midnightmare said...

Umm...expected question from a woman. NFS2SE = Need for Speed 2 Special Edition. Car racing game if you haven't yet got it ;-)

Mistress of Magic said...

hey there.. been quite some time since i bloghopped! great post hilarious scrap book entries... will hit orkut some time... great post! amazing stuff. :) merry christmas.. n a very happy new yr to ya!

Neha said...

yaaaay!! this is one post i like..lol
those orkut scraps r too good !

and hey this is totally unfair, i'v played nfs many times, still do :)

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Ash: Thank you. And yes, do hit orkut. Very entertaining :-).

@Neha: Hmmm...the tone in that first fine seems to be "Finally..." :-). Thanks :-)

As for NFS...hey! Women who play car racing games are rarer than men who shave their chests!!! ;-). So, you can hardly blame me for the tone I chose to adopt ;-).

StupendousMan said...

mike, whatzaaa.
good to read your blog after long. been busy with coll.regular dose of hilarious insanity. wonder where you get the time. i studied in nagpur, and will you believe, the introductions in the first year between classmates always (and i mean always = without exception), began with, "Myself, XYZ, from ABC." i couldn't stop laughing. pretty much explains the spartan group of friends from coll. i guess i'm one more example to your "Doyens of the Male Species"...

Darth Midnightmare said...

@StupendourMan: Thanks. And yeah...figured you were busy from the lack of a new post ;-).

As for the introductions, well, sad to say, but even a B-school doesn't seem to cure the "Myself..." syndrome. Funny also when you see that the women don't seem to suffer from this syndrome!!! It's almost unfair ;-)...