Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Hanging By a Thread

I'm an actor. I never reveal my emotions in public and am generally pretty good at covering up my emotions in a way that no one really knows what I am thinking (at least, I'd like to believe I'm good at it ;-) ).

I hated the idea of confiding in people. It was just...well, just not me. I don't need people, I don't need sympathy. To borrow the words a friend of mine used, "I'm essentially not made to be with people". Quite true in a way. But what really sucks is vulnerability. If you're weak and then say something to let it out....somehow, everything falls apart.

Then you need to talk. You need to express things all of a sudden. It's not that you want to TALK to people, you balk at the idea, but now you do need an outlet.....and that's when you've got to be careful. Say too much and you'll regret it, sooner rather than later, most often.

That's actually what made me write. It's an outlet at times and yeah, it's a cool way to just be abstract, say nothing and yet feel relieved of the burden at times......ah well....

A friend of mine mailed me this one.....I'd written it ages ago...Engineering college I think. Very immature, very childish....but attached to it...sentimental me, I guess ;-)

By the lakeside, standing still,
Eyes surveying barren hills,
The world seems like the surface calm,
Hiding beneath it the storm,
Like the sea, so endless,
So dry when it all seems so wet,
Stretching into eternity,
Every life a tale of misey

Overhanging clouds of guilt,
And tales of courses forgotten,
The forks behind telling a tale,
Of chances lost and mistakes made,
And still he walks down lonely streets,
Hoping one day good luck to meet,
Does he believe it's for the best?
Why then are dreams laid to rest?

Once again she passed him by,
Like rocks bereft of a lighthouse,
No danger signs; nowhere to run,
Journey's end nowhere in sight,
Steer clear, how long will it last?
The ritual's nearly over; doesn't seem right,
The picture's burnt, but still remains,
He's tied to it inside his brain

9 comments:

red said...

hey jb...we all are actors in some role or the other...and i felt ur post is about me...

Overhanging clouds of guilt,
And tales of courses forgotten...
very nice...

DJK said...

Memories that you hold so close,
May it be of friends or foes,
Snares your mind in its trap
As you battle fate and hap

I said...

good..i agree with u..one shld not reveal their emotions in public. I guess even i m like this. Even I have full control on my emotions :)

Ayn Rand will be glad to see ur blog ;)

Vidhi said...

i think reluctance to reveal emotions candidly in the real world is what drives ppl to write blogs...it's the same in my case too...but at times it does get difficult...the pretence that we need to put on is frustrating at times.

Abhi said...

It's most stressful trying to be someone u r not.true , most people wont understand things you feel , but if you don't express them , how wud you ever find anyone who does understand them....

the_new_cloud said...

Hi buddy..
Surfed through Zarine's blog to yours...
Nice poem that...
BTW you in which batch?? U know Neeraj Bansal by any chance???

Darth Midnightmare said...

Hi red. Tks...
djk: Nice one there....
Hi ships, I totally believe in concealing things and tackling them within...
V: I dunno. With me, its almost become an integral part of me to be like this....though yes, if u fall into the trap of opening up, things can get cad, if u want to go back....
Vagabond: I dunno. I have found it's generally easy to decide whom you can identify with totally and trust. They're rare though...and that's why, while I have always had a small FRIENDS group (large acquaintance group though), these friends really last....
TNC: Tks for dropping in....me in the first year....don't know NB....which batch?

the_new_cloud said...

Neeraj is a good friend of mine.. He is in 2nd year..

Tyler D said...

Hey kid. You are good. :)