Friday, March 04, 2005

A Glimpse of the Scheme

There are people and there are attitudes. Just which is the way one should go? How does one know? Felt that way today when I was sitting with this chap and discussing some academic things today. Suddenly it wasn't about academics any longer....for me.

Here's this person who's facing similar things to what I am facing. The same course, the same profs, the same papers...and yet, our reactions and methods are so different. Here I am, a person who's just so completely disillusioned with everything that I have completely stopped making an effort almost. I am probably working at 5% of my potential efficiency and I know it....

I procrastinate to the point of making it a full-time profession almost. I'd rather just lie around, listen to music and ponder over things than pick up a book.....unless it's 3 hours to go till the exam. And he's the kind of person, who ignoring everything around, is completely focussed only on what he is here to do.....so where's the difference? Probably, just that he knows what he wants and is able to block out everything else.....

Or do I know really what I want? Am I just too scared to face what I really want? A look at where I stand in my class shows clearly that from being a topper (setting bloody school records n stuff), today I comprise the set of people who just scrape through every course. I guess what makes it bad is that occasionally do wonder why I am doing this at all....why don't I have the courage to just walk away from this, if I don't really want to do this?

Maybe it's just the fear of walking down a path that I want to follow but feel will not allow me to survive the world. Maybe it's just that feeling of not wanting to let down my folks. Or maybe it's just plain not knowing for sure.....the hope that someday I might just wake up feeling 'normal' and comfortable with the current scheme of things. Where did things begin to go wrong?

I need to make up my mind fast about all this I guess....

10 comments:

the_new_cloud said...

One slows down a little after achieving.Is the same happening to you??

Darth Midnightmare said...

No. Quite frankly, I haven't achieved anything anyway, so it's not that. I guess, it's like I said, wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong attitude.......maybe the last one is the cure, or maybe it's something else.....

Confuzzled said...

I have been sailing in the same boat.sometimes I feel I have found the answer to my questions and sometimes I don't.
What I have learnt is that after achieving something its all the more dificult to maintain it further.
Like Halle Berry said in an article in a interview.........'my current bad performance is all beacuse of the Oscar I won.Its very difficult ot mainatin the success rate.'

Zarine said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Zarine said...

Mike,70% of the time I decide to blog abt something,I already find it here at ur place!Nearly a dozen posts have not seen the light of the day,thanks to this.Not tht am complaining,u save me the trouble of typing it!

Waise,in ur case,u've lost ctrl over urself.U pretty well know,once u get into things,it'll be difficult for anyone/thing to hold u back.U r scared of unleashing urself.You'd rather just be as u r,instead of sloggin off n reaching the top.

Well,tht's the analysis I made,when I was facing the similar position.And trust me,it's very difficult to get back on the track,once u r off it.

Vishy said...

A lot of us I bet, can identify with this. Since ur in JB, u might as well stick it out... unless of course you have some idea of what u'd do otherwise.

Maybe a change of company ? I know thats hard, but perhaps a different bunch might inspire different actions. Hell atleast make things slightly easier to bear

Anonymous said...

dude...here's what u shud try...point 1, start by listing yourself in the gym, start working out or start jogging...u'll actually see for yourself the levels to which your stamina would have stooped owing to smoking et al..that consciously would push u into a damage control mode...try to quit smoking for like a week, 10 days...u'll see a change in the attitude...things which seemed impossible once would seem very much in the grasp of your control.u'll feel nice about it...u'll love yourself, u won't hesitate from beathing free, and more importantly, feeling free, devoid of any pangs of guilt..trust me, that'll rub into every inch of your perspective about life and how u see it...the whole funda of doing stuff in the a controlled manner gains acceptance by your system...and pound me with a sledgehammer in a fortnight's time if the above fails to bear fruits !! ;-)
it's pretty simple, pal ! i did it..the problem with ppl like us is that we are averse to the first step, though we know what needs to be done...what determines out success/failure is how humbly we decide to chanelize our potentials in the right direction !

and yeah, Schumi rulezz !!
~CBM

Johnny B. Goode said...

Hmmm... well - i guess that every little thing is going to be alright (apud Bob Marley! haha) - what separates your old self to your future self is just time, right?

So, when the right time come your perspective will change and youll probably forget about most things that you worried about in the past... youll solve it easily.

Childplay (we never really grew up right?). :)

tabs said...

the answer is simple. God is the best manager!u shud leave all ur life s schedule and worries to god coz he is the best manager...he will take care of it.u need not worry about those.u just have to study.why make tomorrow kill ur today.u shud do what u have to do. the more u try searching for an answer by urself the more confused u will be. some things in life r really simple but they appear complex to the brightest minds.im no prophet. just a word of advice.

Tyler D. said...

I partially agree with tabs... You have to make some (big or little, variate) efforts and then simply don´t worry because things get right anyway.