Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Appendix for In Mars We Trust - X

As promised in the Mars - X, here are the conversations I mentioned as proof. Trust me when I say that each one is a genuine extract from a real conversation. In some, I have actually toned down the idiocy out of deference for the fact that the persons or their friends may read the same and take offence. None is intended of course. These are posted purely for entertainment value and to mock the intelligence or lack thereof of the assorted women that have earned an honourable mention in this post :D.

By the way, as evidenced in the comments to Mars - X, a number of people did not really think those conversations could possibly be real. trust me, they are. I swear...no kidding!!!

X: I’m really depressed *sniff*
Me: But why?
X: Well, I just spoke to my ex and he’s getting married…
Me: OK, but I thought you hate his guts, so why be depressed?
X: Look, we just broke up two years ago and if he’s getting married that means he moved on pretty fast…he’s known this girl now for almost a year and a half!
Me: OK, but then, you’re getting engaged too!
X: Yeah, but well, I was single for so long after we broke up!
Me: Hmm…well, what about those three guys you were seeing in between?
X: They weren’t serious…I mean, they didn’t get anywhere!!!
Me: *Sigh* OK…whatever…

Me: You know N, it’s weird but she seems jealous about K seeing other women!
N: Yeah, that’s so natural!
Me: Eh? But she’s got a boyfriend…what’s she got to be jealous of?
N: Look, he liked her and that made her feel good. Now, with us women, even if we don’t like a guy, it makes us feel good to know that he likes us. So, we’re pissed off if he moves on and starts liking another woman!
Me: That’s so damn b*tchy!!!
N: Hey! Mind you language ok? It’s perfectly normal behaviour!
Me: What crap! If I knew a woman I didn’t like, liked me, I’d be praying for her to move on!
N: That’s because men are stupid…
*Sigh*

D: Hey you bas*ard!
Me: Hi b*tch!
D: What the f***? Stop calling me that! How dare you!!!
Me: Err…you called me a bas*ard!
D: Yeah! That’s because you’ve not called me for so long!
Me: Err…by that same token, you’ve not called me either! And you’ve not even replied to my messages!
D: Arre, what message and all? You should have called. You’re such a bas*ard!
Me: Umm…do you realize that I am the one that has called even now?
D: So? You’re still a bas*ard and don’t give me logic and all that crap now…
*Ho-hum*

A: OK, so you come to my place and pick me up.
Me: Excuse me? I’m the visitor to Delhi…so how about you picking me up? You’ve got the car after all!
A: No! You’re too far off! Tell you what…come to some place close to my place!
Me: Err…do you realize that it will be tougher for me to travel in an alien city without my own car? How about meeting somewhere in between…like Connaught Place?
A: No! Connaught Place…umm…I don’t know the way to that place!
Me: What? You’ve been living here for 6 damn years!
A: So? I still don’t know the way…
Me: OK, so do one thing…see…in Delhi all roads lead to CP, so just keep going on the widest road at every turn and you’ll get there!
A: Nooooo! There are too many roads in Delhi that go to CP. I’ll get lost!
Me: Excuse me? If they all go to CP and you’re going to CP, how in f***’s name can you get lost?
A: No! I’ll tell you what to do…you come over to my place and then drive me to CP…
*Yes, I get the point…*

Me (after an hour’s explanation): So you see, the Congress is really the worst party of them all to vote for!
V: Hmm…well…hmm…
Me: What? You can’t fault my logic, can you? If you can, tell me!
V: No, you’re right! But still, I still can’t think of not voting for them!
Me: Eh? Doesn’t that prove that your logic is flawed or else non-existent?
V: Yeah! But still, so what? Voting is not about logic!!! It’s about…it’s about…emotion!
*QED*

Me: Hey! How you doing?
C: Hey! You back in Bombay?
Me: Yeah! I’m here for a month or so…
C: Hey cool! Let’s meet up! How about tomorrow?
Me: Umm…not possible tomorrow…have some family function to attend.
C: Oh! OK, day after then? That should be fine huh?
Me: Cool, no problem…let me know where then.
C: Sure. I’m in Daman right now. I get back next week…we’ll fix up then, ok?
Me: Oh-ah…sure…yeah…for day after tomorrow…awesome…fine…buh-bye!
*D-uh*

S: Hey! I need some help from you.
Me: Sure, fire away. What’s it about?
S: Well, it’s about that form I have to fill.
Me: Cool! Need help about what to write or something?
S: No, I know what I should write and all that, but needed to ask you one thing.
Me: OK. What is it?
S: Well, I know what to write and all that…but what exactly is a statement of purpose? As in, what should I write for why I want to do this?
Me: Eh? How in Hell am I expected to know your reasoning process?
S: Well, you can help me understand what I should write…

Similar conversation on a different instance with a different woman:

X: Hey Mike, I need your help for this thingy I did...
Me: Cool. Temme...
X: Well, I need to write what I did in the project.
Me: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
X: Well, see, I need to write what I did...so I thought I'd ask you what I shold write...
*Let's see now...'Whose Project is it Anyway?'*

*Sigh* Women…

4 comments:

Dreamcatcher said...

Conv one..might be possible, as might conv 2, no. 4 is plain stupid...
and even if I do happen to believe that these incidents did happen, they must be edited and taken out of context :D.
I guess you're just acquainted with some really illogical people otherwise.

Virus© said...

Nice blog, mate.. ;)
N all of 'em were funny... But don't tell me they are all factual... Are they?

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Dreamcatcher: Trust me. None of these conversations is edited even one bit! If anything COnversation 4 sounds less dumb than it was...since I edited one line where she said:

"Hey come on, I've only been in Delhi for 5 years ok, so how can I be expected to know Connaught Place and all that?" I deleted that line since I thought people would not believe that was true...

As for the logic bit...err...my reasoning is that women are illogical ;-)

I quote Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets), in response to the question, "How do you understand women so well?"

"I think of a man and take away all reason and accountability." Cheers!

Kidding!!!

@ViRuS: Thanks...and yes...they are indeed all factual...I take pride in that :D. These conversations span 2 years! I've collected them carefully in that recess of my brain that exists solely for the purpose of retaining these incidents for use at the appropriate time :D.

Neha said...

lol.. u actually put all of them up! i was jus kidding buddy :) i believe u ;)

funny though..:D