The Infection....

Yep, been infected with the Book Meme virus....got it from Geets and Girish. So you know exactly whom to blame if I decide to "tag" you at the end of this and you too are thereby infected :-)

I really haven't being doing too much reading for the past few months really. Mainly because I have been into a whole new and very time-consuming exercise.....doing nothing. As I've no doubt mentioned earlier, I find it one of the most engrossing occupations....but never mind about that.....let's proceed with the Book Meme thingy....

Total Number of Books I Own:

This is kinda dubious. If this means the books in my HOUSE, that would be....ummm.....well over a thousand. And I am not joking. And no, these do not include academic books and all that. Both my mother and I are avid readers and a visit to the bookstore which is common) yields an addition of at least 10-15 to the already immense collection. My OWN collection (books I have bought) probably stands in the region of around 250 or so....

Last Book I Bought: Bought 4 books last time I did. They were "The Dilbert Future", "Apology", "Liar's Poker" and "Paradise Lost".

Last Book I Read: "Apology" by Plato. It's about the trial and subsequent conviction of Socrates by the people of Athens. The speech by Socrates is mind-numbing at some parts.

Five Books That Mean a Lot to Me: This is another toughie....but here goes. These are not ranked or anything like that......

1. Chariots of the Gods. I read it at a time when I had a great thirst for knowledge and a great deal of cynicism about the things I was being told to believe. This book did wonders for me. Opened my mind to a new school of thuoght. I now hold a different belief, but this book is the one that started me down that path.

2. Symoposium. This book by Plato is the first of the Socratic dialogues I read. The concept of absolutism was something that always troubled me. The reasoning of Socrates when advocating the relativity and situational aspects is so lucid. It's also very close to the Gita in some ways.

3. The Code of the Woosters. PG Wodehouse at his supreme best. This man's talent for making things sound hilarious is beyond anything I have ever come across. His usage of words is phenomenal too. He's done wonders for my vocabulary. I read this book when really depressed...and it was amazing how good I suddenly felt.....awesome....

4. The Bhagwad Gita. I am not religious in any way....and nor is the book essentially. Take away the parts about "God" (which IMHO are midieval additions to make it more acceptable to a layman) and the truths in that are something amazing. A reading of Socratic dialogues after that shows so many similarities in thought.....fantastic.....

5. Ancient Indian Philosophy. Possible the biggest revelation and the best. It's amazing to realize that the true Indian philosophy does not define "God", does not mention "God" and lays down no rules. It is mind-numbingly brilliant. Those people spoke about a unified theory, the oneness of force etc....these concepts have only struck the modern (read western) world recently. (The unified theory and the oneness concepts have developed only in the 90s). I was not able to read this completely, but it spellbound me while I was at it.......a must-read....will add more once I get hold of it and finish reading the entire book.

Tag five people and have them do this on their blogs:

Neeta
Suhas
Vidhi
Egghead
Ted

Cheers folks! And yeah, barring any major events cropping up, my next planned post is "In Mars We Trust - IV". In case you haven't read the previous ones and want to (can't believe why anyone WOULD want to, but still, one does endeavour to be as lucid as possible and maintain continuity), you can at:

In Mars We Trust - I
Appendix to In Mars We Trust - I
In Mars We Trust - II
In Mars We Trust - III

Forever Ends Today

"Forever!" What a word. Almost every idiot on the street uses this word to describe timeframes varying from how he will love his girlfriend to how long his current happiness/sorrow will plague him to whatever you may care to imagine....and just how long does this forever last? Umm....well, let's just say, way shorter than you may think from the definition of the word.

So why do we still believe in those that care to use (abuse, some may say) this word? To put it simply, coz most people are just too gullible and would like to believe every nice thing they hear about themselves and also every really terrible thing they hear about someone else! Think about it! After all how else does one explain the sheer idiocy of those who fall for this word every single time? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!!"

These thoughts have been doing the rounds of my head for the past few weeks. It's silly season these days you see. Every person I meet is either "in love" or "about to fall in love" or "married" or something like that....and all of them are mentioning this word at the drop of a hat!!! It gets ridiculous when your 10-year old neice uses the word!! Thankfully I don't have a 10-year old neice and have therefore not had this misfortune but, well, was just thinking of the horror that such a scene would instill in me anyway :-)

Call me a cynic if you like but I prefer to be realistic. What lasts forever? Nothing!!!! Without going into the Sanaatan theory (Maya) of the Universe (which essentially proves that the Universe does not exist), if I accept that the Universe is an entity that exists, it too has a "lifetime". It ends at a point (as per the scientific theory accepted today). So, what does this "forever" that people mention imply? Their lifetime? A look at life and you'd be better advised to revise your estimate to "today and perhaps tomorrow" at best.

Yeah yeah, I know that most people would like to disbelieve this and say that THEIR forever will last forever......but that's just the point!!! It's what they WANT to believe. Nothing is eternal. Not joy, not sorrow, nor love nor hate......perhaps the closest that an emotion comes to being eternal (for a lifetime) is hatred. This is something else I really believe....

People talk of "love" as the most powerful emotion. I beg to differ. Simply because hatred is definitely far more powerful ("Do not underestimate the power of the dark side"). Really, look around you and you will see more broken love affairs than the blades of hair on your head (even if you have a really thick thatch) but how many hatreds do you see broken? I am not talking about a dislike, I am talking about a deep-set hatred (something like the way I hate green veggies ;-) ). Answer: Not too many, if any at all. I personally, have not seen any......

Ultimately, we'd all be better off believing the truth as we see it around us and inside us rather than a series of lies and hallucinations which just consciously delude the brain into a feeling of "happiness". It saves so much trouble....

Victorious Loser

For the first time I am looking forward to going back to college. Not that college suddenly seems so attractive. I just need to get away from here......perhaps I am just running away.....Thanks for talking yesterday D. It meant more than you will ever realize....and R, I saw it yesterday.....we will make it....there is no alternative....

For every sign sought in the darkness of day,
There was an answer that in dusk lay,
For every day that dawned cloaked in red,
There was an eve waiting in black hope to robe,
In darkest realm when suns set on life,
There's someone waiting for rays to show,
When closing minds seem all you can find,
Arms of time are just where I hide

Hordes chasing without, within their selves,
Fingers ever eluding the hands they seek,
Flooded plains tell tales of sights untold,
Eyes beseech embraces they never behold,
Meanings read from dusty runes on stone,
Could not deny the peace of that walk on the shore,
Songs of solitude sung amidst throngs of adorers,
Thoughts fly over the minds meant just for show

Noise filling the mind with unheard sighs,
The body craves the peace we ever it deny,
Paths trodden by the lost seeking home,
Leading only to lands peopled by the forlorn,
Courage unbounded never could be enough,
Dead will denying all that could ever be found,
The lie of the self deluding belief to distrust,
Truth becomes a mystery to the mind in today bound

Slowing mists descend on welcoming lands,
The peering eyes see nothing but a rhyme,
Moving shadows create illusions of straight lines,
A lie shows the path to a truthful denial,
Dreams lead the way to mires of rising shrouds,
Curtains lifting hide scenes of a demolished life,
And when the pyre burns covering wasted time,
An old man sees the fortune of those that have died

Starting At The End

"What's the matter?"
"Nothing"
"C'mon..."
"Really...Nothing.."
"OK.....want another drink?"

Who was it that said lightning never strikes the same spot twice? Don't know for sure, but I definitely disagree. Sometimes the only thing that seems sure is the very uncertainty. Wish at times that I could dictate the way I think or the things I do.....most of the time, I fail....

"I'm sure half the world loves you.."
"Errr.....damn! Looks like I only know the other half then.."

Yeah.....sometimes you're just in the wrong place, with the wrong people at the wrong time.....with me, it's either one or the other.....never none.....

"Try figuring out what's wrong.."
"What's wrong is that I know what's wrong...."

Sometimes, knowing the damn problem is worse than the ignorance that precedes. Sometimes knowing the answer is the worst thing that can ever happen.....guess that's why they say, "Ignorance is bliss".

"You seem different today...something the matter?"
"No....I'm on top of the freaking world"

Why the f*ck can none of us ever give an honest answer to the most basic questions? Just that with me I can't to any question.....can't help it.... it's the way I am....

"What the f*ck do you want from me? I don't understand and it's screwing my brain....and the more I try to make sense of it, the deeper the hole becomes...."

Silence.....

Framing A Life

It's a rebirth. An emergence from the darkness you could call it. Amazing how just a little shift in focus can yield such massive dividends. Amazing how reading something a second time can impart such a different meaning. For now, I shall lie back and drift away into a new world.....

Strangers seek within my eyes,
The answers to unlock the mind,
Slowly thoughts begin to slide,
And darkness in the echoes hides

No more chanting songs of hope,
And no more searching for the door,
The candles lighted begin to swim,
Unlocking the last gruesome grin

The sky’s below and Earth above,
But neither seems to pull me up,
Like sheets of paper in the air,
Floating away goes every care

Freedom from the free lands,
A chain that binds me to the life,
Reckless dreams and careless minds,
Pictures are all that’s left behind

Fear

Would you say that I am scared,
Because I hide away from pain,
Could you walk out through the door,
And raise your face up to the rain

Smother all desire deep,
Clutch only to what seems now real,
The eyes are closed inside the mind,
Seeing only what was left behind

The past never did really die,
The body’s gone, scars left behind,
The view so real, yet so untrue,
Did you ever feel the rising cries,

And still you run and still you hide,
The fears forgotten but never left behind,
A moment’s sorrow costs a life,
A bliss you never will now find

Wheels of time will roll along,
Guiding away from the shore,
The answer staring in the face
An answer not in the right place

The distant bell chimes seem to charm,
A mother waiting with open arms,
She points out to me the right path,
But I run away into the night

Feet of Clay

From a distance, it looked as grand a ship as you could ever wish to see. It seemed to have all the features that one would ask for and looked serene and untouched. It seemed almost arrogant in its bearing as it floated. There did however appear to be a sense of illusion about the entire picture; something you couldn't perhaps pin down and identify, but nonetheless, something that suggested a slight dicrepancy.....

A closer look would perhaps have helped, but it wasn't that easy. The craft seemed surrounded by treacherous rocks and whatever approach one used, the craft seemed just as far away as it had before commencing.

On the deck, the captain lay back slowly and cast an uncaring eye over the surrounding water. He had lost all sense of time. He did remember the time he had set out though. It had been a marvellous time. Bound for Utopia, the craft had been unaffected by all that happened around it. And whatever did affect it, only seemed positive.

The rudder....that had been the crucial loss really. He did not recollect the manner of the loss, nor the emotions that had immediately followed it. All that he really knew, was that as he lay there today, the same way that he had lain for God knows how long, that he really didn't care any more.....it didn't really matter......

The right mast lay in five pieces. The once proud craft lay motionless most of the time these days, the only exception being when the current carried it in the direction that it flowed....

So, so you think you can tell,
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain,
Can you tell a green field,
From a cold steel rail,
A smile from a veil,
Do you think you can tell

Did they get you to trade,
Your heroes for ghosts,
Hot ashes for trees,
Hot air for a cool breeze,
Cold comfort for change,
Did you exchange,
A walk-on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage

How I wish, how I wish you were here,
We're just two lost souls,
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground,
What have we found,
The same old fears,
Wish you were here....

Bone China

It's been a horrible week, I must say. My phone got stolen (and I've lost all the damn contacts :-( ), one of my favourite football clubs got bought by a damned American (who seems to knows nothing abuot the game), Michael Schumacher had terrible luck in Spain, I had to have another operation on my leg and to top it all off, I got given work in my project after 4 perfectly ideal, jobless weeks.....

"I didn't expect this from you". What a line! What absolute callousness and lack of thought it reveals! Why should a person expect anything from anyone in any case? It is never your right to get something from the other person. You may ask, but the giving is upto the other person. It is this very "expectation" that is the destroyer of most things in this world. For it is a fact, that while we expect a lot, our estimation of our own obligations is never even close to our expectations.

I once mentioned in a post how we form impressions about people and get weirdly put off when they turn out to be different, even if this difference is not apparent at the surface. But what I am talking about now - the expectations I am talking about now - is not the same phenomenon I mentioned then. This is when, very literally, familiarity breeds contempt. You are so taken in by your own view of the person, that you fail to even realise that this person may have a mind of his or her own. All that matters for you now, is your own impression.

And when the deeds that are done go against the grain of the mental image you have built up, you feel that you are justified in being "disappointed" and in feeling "let down". While this invariably leads you to feel terrible and even angry about what has transpired, the much more important repercussion is on the relationship. It is destroyed, and as a very old friend had once remarked, "Relationships are like bone china cups. One broken, they may be repaired, but the cracks will remain forever."

It is not as if forming impressions per se is bad. It isn't. And even if it is, it is unavoidable. It is human nature and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening, because most of the time it is a subconscious process. What we can do however, is to limit our expectations and also keep in mind the fact that we should not attempt to control that which is not ours; namely the thought process and the mind of someone else.

Try thinking about the last time someone told you that you had done something that they did not expect from you (in the negative sense, of course). Chances are that you yourself, felt that you hadn't done anything wrong, that the other person was being unreasonable and selfish.......try thinking of that the next time someone "lets you down".....it may just make a big difference to your life.

*These are thoughts that actually haunted my mind when I heard about someone who was told this very line.....someone that least deserved to have heard it.....

Life's a Bi*ch

Been feeling terrible for the past few days. It's at moments like these that you realise how good life is for you, and how little you can do for someone else, no matter how strong your feelings. It also brings home the fact that just doing your best and following the path that seems right is never enough......

I mentioned in a previous post about a certain type of people. But the depressing thing is not that they exist....the disappointing thing is that the consequences of their actions, behaviour and words are borne by others. Others, whose only ostensible mistake was to have been in the vicinity.

I'd like to pay tribute to you, D. The way you're trying and the extents you're going to, to save something that seems irretrievable (to me at least) in the face of all that you are having to endure, is not something that I, or anyone else I know, can do.....perhaps, that is the very problem though.....how much is too much?

It's a problem each of us faces at some point or the other...we face a situation where we must decide one way or another. But should you place your own happiness first, or the happiness of persons you care about? Most people would reply that the latter is what we must consider first. And, in my opinion, in most cases they would be wrong....

Several times, people go through things without telling these others. They do so, because they feel that knowing they are unhappy would cause sorrow to them. But that's the very point. You're going through something that these people you're doing it for would hate for you to go through! You're defeating the very purpose....and will, in all probablity, end up causing both parties a misery that could so easily be avoided....

The toughest part of course, is when you wonder if things might change, people might change, circumstances might change....and how perhaps, someday you may regret taking the course of action that suggests itself now. But why? Has anyone ever been able to see the future? Would you be where you are if you had been able to see what was coming? If everything had gone as per the "plan"? Then why let that stop you???

Mirrors of Our Times

A political party thinks that women are to blame for a lot of rapes because of the "provocative" clothes they wear, which arouse the animal instincts in males, who are by nature lecherous..... Apart from insulting the entire male species, this statement is not just sexist, but also perverted and escapist.

The new Pope is so conservative, that he has asked Christians to stop using condoms (what about AIDS sir?), stop family planning and he is said to be so conservative that even some senior priests have spoken out against him.

Islamic states in Asia seem to be reverting to hardcore islamic law in great numbers. This has led to incidents like the stoning to death of some women in Afghanistan and the gang rape of several girls in Pakistan......all in the name of law. These acts were actually advocated by the "independent law bodies" in these regions.

The President of the USA is so conservative that he too is anti-abortion, anti family control and his policies have sparked a wave of right-wing feeling across the nation, sparking killings, making life and travel miserable for certain communities and creating a state of paranoia so severe that a plane was grounded because passengers refused to allow on board an Arab wearing a turban!!! Things reached an all-time low when no other than Azim Premji faced such Hell in US airports that after returning he joked about changing his name!!!

The fastest growing opposition party in England openly proclaims that its view of England is as "a land for white Christians". A major political party in France believes that Algerian and black immigrants should be chucked out of France because they "are not truly French". Even a person of the standing of Zinedine Zidane was insulted by the leader of this party and the contention was that Zidane and some other players should not represent France in Euro....

Are these just one-off events? All of them? Or are they indicators that the entire world is just moving backwards into the dark ages? Or. of course, is it just me?