Thursday, May 26, 2005

Framing A Life

It's a rebirth. An emergence from the darkness you could call it. Amazing how just a little shift in focus can yield such massive dividends. Amazing how reading something a second time can impart such a different meaning. For now, I shall lie back and drift away into a new world.....

Strangers seek within my eyes,
The answers to unlock the mind,
Slowly thoughts begin to slide,
And darkness in the echoes hides

No more chanting songs of hope,
And no more searching for the door,
The candles lighted begin to swim,
Unlocking the last gruesome grin

The sky’s below and Earth above,
But neither seems to pull me up,
Like sheets of paper in the air,
Floating away goes every care

Freedom from the free lands,
A chain that binds me to the life,
Reckless dreams and careless minds,
Pictures are all that’s left behind

Monday, May 23, 2005


Would you say that I am scared,
Because I hide away from pain,
Could you walk out through the door,
And raise your face up to the rain

Smother all desire deep,
Clutch only to what seems now real,
The eyes are closed inside the mind,
Seeing only what was left behind

The past never did really die,
The body’s gone, scars left behind,
The view so real, yet so untrue,
Did you ever feel the rising cries,

And still you run and still you hide,
The fears forgotten but never left behind,
A moment’s sorrow costs a life,
A bliss you never will now find

Wheels of time will roll along,
Guiding away from the shore,
The answer staring in the face
An answer not in the right place

The distant bell chimes seem to charm,
A mother waiting with open arms,
She points out to me the right path,
But I run away into the night

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Feet of Clay

From a distance, it looked as grand a ship as you could ever wish to see. It seemed to have all the features that one would ask for and looked serene and untouched. It seemed almost arrogant in its bearing as it floated. There did however appear to be a sense of illusion about the entire picture; something you couldn't perhaps pin down and identify, but nonetheless, something that suggested a slight dicrepancy.....

A closer look would perhaps have helped, but it wasn't that easy. The craft seemed surrounded by treacherous rocks and whatever approach one used, the craft seemed just as far away as it had before commencing.

On the deck, the captain lay back slowly and cast an uncaring eye over the surrounding water. He had lost all sense of time. He did remember the time he had set out though. It had been a marvellous time. Bound for Utopia, the craft had been unaffected by all that happened around it. And whatever did affect it, only seemed positive.

The rudder....that had been the crucial loss really. He did not recollect the manner of the loss, nor the emotions that had immediately followed it. All that he really knew, was that as he lay there today, the same way that he had lain for God knows how long, that he really didn't care any didn't really matter......

The right mast lay in five pieces. The once proud craft lay motionless most of the time these days, the only exception being when the current carried it in the direction that it flowed....

So, so you think you can tell,
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain,
Can you tell a green field,
From a cold steel rail,
A smile from a veil,
Do you think you can tell

Did they get you to trade,
Your heroes for ghosts,
Hot ashes for trees,
Hot air for a cool breeze,
Cold comfort for change,
Did you exchange,
A walk-on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage

How I wish, how I wish you were here,
We're just two lost souls,
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground,
What have we found,
The same old fears,
Wish you were here....

Monday, May 16, 2005

Bone China

It's been a horrible week, I must say. My phone got stolen (and I've lost all the damn contacts :-( ), one of my favourite football clubs got bought by a damned American (who seems to knows nothing abuot the game), Michael Schumacher had terrible luck in Spain, I had to have another operation on my leg and to top it all off, I got given work in my project after 4 perfectly ideal, jobless weeks.....

"I didn't expect this from you". What a line! What absolute callousness and lack of thought it reveals! Why should a person expect anything from anyone in any case? It is never your right to get something from the other person. You may ask, but the giving is upto the other person. It is this very "expectation" that is the destroyer of most things in this world. For it is a fact, that while we expect a lot, our estimation of our own obligations is never even close to our expectations.

I once mentioned in a post how we form impressions about people and get weirdly put off when they turn out to be different, even if this difference is not apparent at the surface. But what I am talking about now - the expectations I am talking about now - is not the same phenomenon I mentioned then. This is when, very literally, familiarity breeds contempt. You are so taken in by your own view of the person, that you fail to even realise that this person may have a mind of his or her own. All that matters for you now, is your own impression.

And when the deeds that are done go against the grain of the mental image you have built up, you feel that you are justified in being "disappointed" and in feeling "let down". While this invariably leads you to feel terrible and even angry about what has transpired, the much more important repercussion is on the relationship. It is destroyed, and as a very old friend had once remarked, "Relationships are like bone china cups. One broken, they may be repaired, but the cracks will remain forever."

It is not as if forming impressions per se is bad. It isn't. And even if it is, it is unavoidable. It is human nature and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening, because most of the time it is a subconscious process. What we can do however, is to limit our expectations and also keep in mind the fact that we should not attempt to control that which is not ours; namely the thought process and the mind of someone else.

Try thinking about the last time someone told you that you had done something that they did not expect from you (in the negative sense, of course). Chances are that you yourself, felt that you hadn't done anything wrong, that the other person was being unreasonable and selfish.......try thinking of that the next time someone "lets you down" may just make a big difference to your life.

*These are thoughts that actually haunted my mind when I heard about someone who was told this very line.....someone that least deserved to have heard it.....

Friday, May 06, 2005

Life's a Bi*ch

Been feeling terrible for the past few days. It's at moments like these that you realise how good life is for you, and how little you can do for someone else, no matter how strong your feelings. It also brings home the fact that just doing your best and following the path that seems right is never enough......

I mentioned in a previous post about a certain type of people. But the depressing thing is not that they exist....the disappointing thing is that the consequences of their actions, behaviour and words are borne by others. Others, whose only ostensible mistake was to have been in the vicinity.

I'd like to pay tribute to you, D. The way you're trying and the extents you're going to, to save something that seems irretrievable (to me at least) in the face of all that you are having to endure, is not something that I, or anyone else I know, can do.....perhaps, that is the very problem much is too much?

It's a problem each of us faces at some point or the other...we face a situation where we must decide one way or another. But should you place your own happiness first, or the happiness of persons you care about? Most people would reply that the latter is what we must consider first. And, in my opinion, in most cases they would be wrong....

Several times, people go through things without telling these others. They do so, because they feel that knowing they are unhappy would cause sorrow to them. But that's the very point. You're going through something that these people you're doing it for would hate for you to go through! You're defeating the very purpose....and will, in all probablity, end up causing both parties a misery that could so easily be avoided....

The toughest part of course, is when you wonder if things might change, people might change, circumstances might change....and how perhaps, someday you may regret taking the course of action that suggests itself now. But why? Has anyone ever been able to see the future? Would you be where you are if you had been able to see what was coming? If everything had gone as per the "plan"? Then why let that stop you???

Monday, May 02, 2005

Mirrors of Our Times

A political party thinks that women are to blame for a lot of rapes because of the "provocative" clothes they wear, which arouse the animal instincts in males, who are by nature lecherous..... Apart from insulting the entire male species, this statement is not just sexist, but also perverted and escapist.

The new Pope is so conservative, that he has asked Christians to stop using condoms (what about AIDS sir?), stop family planning and he is said to be so conservative that even some senior priests have spoken out against him.

Islamic states in Asia seem to be reverting to hardcore islamic law in great numbers. This has led to incidents like the stoning to death of some women in Afghanistan and the gang rape of several girls in Pakistan......all in the name of law. These acts were actually advocated by the "independent law bodies" in these regions.

The President of the USA is so conservative that he too is anti-abortion, anti family control and his policies have sparked a wave of right-wing feeling across the nation, sparking killings, making life and travel miserable for certain communities and creating a state of paranoia so severe that a plane was grounded because passengers refused to allow on board an Arab wearing a turban!!! Things reached an all-time low when no other than Azim Premji faced such Hell in US airports that after returning he joked about changing his name!!!

The fastest growing opposition party in England openly proclaims that its view of England is as "a land for white Christians". A major political party in France believes that Algerian and black immigrants should be chucked out of France because they "are not truly French". Even a person of the standing of Zinedine Zidane was insulted by the leader of this party and the contention was that Zidane and some other players should not represent France in Euro....

Are these just one-off events? All of them? Or are they indicators that the entire world is just moving backwards into the dark ages? Or. of course, is it just me?