Friday, November 19, 2004

I Run to Stay Hidden From Myself

What does it really take to be content with where one is? A deep realization of one's being and surrounds? Or a blanking out of all that is painful? Was forced to ponder over this a few days back. A friend of mine kept insisting that I was just wasting my time by seeing all that surrounds us, because the only way we would escape the misery that is today, was by shutting out the reality when it pained and transporting ourselves to a time when aall was well and all we saw and heard were things that gave us joy....was there ever such a time?

Maybe there was. There was a time when we failed to see the things around us as we see them now. They didn't change much. We did. Our perception, our cynicism. It changed everything. Suddenly the 5-year old boy who could do Integral Calculus was no longer a genius, but a persecuted victim of a society that no longer has time nor the patience for childhood. A society where fun no longer means anything other than a late-night party at the hippest nightclub in town with a semi-nude model on your arm, all of which requires you to forsake the small joys of life......

But does that really mean I should shut myself to what is around me? Do I really need to mask reality? Do I need to live in a place that exists nowhere but in my dreams? Or can I find bliss in the truth? Would a deeper understanding not help me?

Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in between. For, one thing I do know. The once I tried shutting myself to reality, something entered and left my life, while I did not realise it. Though I may not regret that in particular, I do regret the countless other things I may have allowed to pass me by while I was stuck in my unreasonable hole.....and so, I wrote something for this friend of mine.....and hey, Neeta, this is something in which you can't even blame me for being "complex" or "high-flown"......

Close my eyes and drift away,
To places and times gone by,
Live in a world where dreams prevail,
And laughter causes eyes to run dry

Scared to see, afraid to believe,
That the world inexorably moves on,
For scenes of bliss and lost peace,
Are where I wish to ever belong

She came in like a whisper,
Her footfall I didn't feel,
Emptiness of her passing,
Is what now makes that time feel real

I shut my eyes and closed myself,
And lost what I didn't see,
For when the moment came past me again,
I knew not, for the moment I did not feel

If you were me for that's what's real,
Perhaps you'd care to see,
My future became my past,
And once again I surrendered to the surreal


1 comment:

neeta said...

Funny you should do a blog on this, coz recently I was accused by a friend that I have closed myself inside my own world, that I've locked myself in and the others out. I know my reasons, but the question remains... what am I missing out on while I stay cooped up in my own world? And if its really worth it?

And hey, not fair that you say I "blame" you. This is a disclaimer to state that this is in reference to our discussion on different writing styles. Period. I enjoy your blogs and so I must most categorically declare that I don't mind the complex or the high flown style.

And yeah, I liked the poem :)