Saturday, September 11, 2004

Alone in a Lonely Crowd

Somehow I feel very alone here. There are always 4-5 people around me. Yet I feel so alone. Surrounded by people who think they know me. Living up to what is expected of me. I am definitely not in an identity-crisis, but maybe an in an "ideology-crisis". Half of me wishes to break free. Chuck up all of this, go to what I want to do. Start a band, get wasted, do what I really want. Write. Perhaps do a course in Psychology or Philosophy. The other half asks, "And what shall you eat? What will you live on? You're not an island. There are, and will be people who depend on your material success." How long can this go on? How long till I break. One half must die. Which one?

Sad state of affairs I guess. There is one other person who thinks like me though, PSE. Very nice person (Hey PSE, pun fully intended). Though I guess, as anachronistic and crazy as me in the reality that is today.

Anxieties of a life flying past
Endless search for a place to hide
Peace inside a myth of our times
Satisfaction we're never meant to find
Heroes all with feet of clay
Dark clouds of grief ever overhang
Still we scour for ways to please the mind
In this race forward we're moving behind

Twas meant to be a world so free
A world made for you and me
Survival and greed seem to hold the key
This circle of time makes my head reel
Higher and higher I'm falling free
Sucked into a famous obscurity
Well-known strangers on every street
Defining a solitary community

Yeah, I know, its a pathetic effort. But Hell, it's my blog.


ro said...

caught a comment of u yours in kraz's blog. about the cynicism bit... you're bang on target. but it does make cynicism sound like a defence mechanism. somehow, i've always looked at it as a perpetual state of bliss (not of the ignorance variety). what say?

Kraz Arkin said...

Hey M,

Is'nt that a sign of the times. Education that is not a source of knowledge. Cynicism that is changing from being an effect on the psyche of the life around us to an essential skill for survival. The question that haunts all of us is - is it too late?

Darth Midnightmare said...

Yeah Kraz. I keep thinking of that too. Is it really that far gone? Sadly, I think it has. Worse still, it's deteriorating everyday. Sad but true. And Ro, trust me, cynicism truly is bliss. Bang on. It's a way of life really.

Anupa said...

Beauty! Wish it was my blog!

Darth Midnightmare said...

@anupa: I'm flattered. Thanks :-)