Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Don't Kid Me!!!

I have often expressed my opinion – much to the anger and occasional dismay of my female friends – that I detest children. I abhor them and consider them to be ugly and filthy fiends that are best stayed away from. I have nothing against the critters. All I say is that while they may live, keep them away from me!

It’s so much nicer to have a dog! Dogs are far more affectionate, far more loyal, obedient, more fun, great companions, cleaner, not troublesome and are so much better looking!!! I mean, take a puppy and a newborn baby. The baby is absolutely revoltingly ugly while the puppy is so damned adorable. It makes me wonder how even a parent can like a baby! I’ve seen pictures of me as a baby and trust me, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!!!

Babies are horrendous creatures. As per my mother, she always wanted a girl but when she saw me, she immediately thanked her stars I was a boy…then of course she discovered that all babies looked as ugly when born and swore not to have another child, thus explaining why I am the only offspring of my parents.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I abhor babies and adore dogs and have always maintained that rather than have babies, people should just keep dogs.

This morning’s newspaper carries an article that has truly warmed my heart and has given me the ideal holiday destination where I can have a really peaceful time.

If you get the DNA, you can find this on the back page of the main news section.

Kids not allowed, dogs OK

An Austrian hotel owner has banned children – but says pet dogs will always be welcome. Hotel Cortisen turned away a German family with two young children when they turned up for a holiday in the Alpine village of St Wolfgang. Owner Roland Ballner, 38, said, “I have just had the hotel redecorated for more than 2 million euros – kids will put their dirty paw-prints on the white walls, stand on the white leather sofas in their dirty shoes, and scream and run around and disturb other guests. I have decided to make a stand and I am sure others will follow suit and say no to kids. From today, children are no longer welcome – and I plan to advertise it as I am sure it will attract guests. But he added, “I don’t have a problem with dogs…dogs are always welcome in my hotel.” He claimed his customers had welcomed the move.

20 comments:

Puja Chopra said...

Why dont you the screw a dog..and produces bitches??I am sure the dog community would not object to that!!
Its highy nonsensical article you have posted here

Anupa said...

Screaming voice out there...

Don't know why society still makes a big deal about anybody's personal tastes of liking / not liking children. What I would say is - You don't like kids, good for you. You love playing with them, well, good for you then. I have two boys and while I enjoy their company, I don't keep touting about the "preciousness" of children, or squirming at people for not having a liking towards them.

A lot of people here in the US ( I mean a whole lot ) make a big deal of parenthood and there's other childless people who form their own "childless couples network" and so on...For a person who doesn't make a big deal about having and liking children, don't understand that kind of parading or this screaming voice about not liking them!!! But then, as much as you're free to choose to hate kids, it's your personal choice to blog about it in a screaming voice!! So, why am I even posting this comment? Just for the heck of commenting....

Anupa said...

Ms. Chopra,

What does any of this have anything to do with screwing a dog?!!

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Anupa: Bingo! And hey, I thought everyone was entitled to a bit of humour now n then!!!

@Puja: Err...by that logic of your comparing sex with bestiality, are you a paedophile? ;-) Kidding...but really, you need to lighten up or light up...depending on your choice of vice ;-)

Darth Midnightmare said...

@puja: And err...I think you got the gender and grammar all mixed up...Even if it were a biological possibility, I think it would be screwing the bitch to beget pups, eh? ;-)

Neha said...

i don't agree!!! i was a cute baby :P

sigh.. if only ur parents thought like u, and had adopted a cute puppy instead.. ;)

Rose said...

I am shocked... I knw u wud say that i spoke like a typical girl :)

But i dnt knw how any1 can resist those adorable creatures.. and i luv dogs as well...

:)

..Me

Vidhi said...

Maybe when you were born, dogs werent on sale..it would be sensible to choose dogs to u:-)

Ravi Kiran said...

Change you title to mine

"Where I torture reality till it confesses the truth"

Hope you have not copied from there

visit
http://www.ravikiran.com/
to find out where you stand!!!!

suraj said...

who cares whether u love children or dogs,but majority or y take that for my case i love children rather than these dogs..

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Neha: LOL. I think Mom often wishes she had done so ;-)

@Rose: To each his own :-). And hey, there is this thing called humour in life.

@Vidhi: So, by your logic, in a few years' time babies will be for sale too? Oh wait! They already are! ;-)

@Ravi K: Err...copy? lol. Why would I do that? I'd like reality to tell me the truth, but till then, it's a nightmare and that's all...

@Suraj: Frankly, I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. Why the Hell shold what you or anyone else thinks affect me? I am who I am and if someone doesn't agree with me, that's fine! Just don't try pointing out why I am 'wrong'. I am not wrong. Nobody is ever wrong. It's a taste, a choice, a damned preference. I don't object to anyone else's tastes. Why shold anyone mind mine? I'm not stopping someone doing something or forcing anything onto anyone.

@All: Frankly, I'm really amused by the responses. It proves something I've always believed in. Few - if any - Indians will ever respect another's opinions and even fewer will choose to see humour in day-to-day events. And it's almost impossible to find an Indian who can appreciate subtlety blended with bluntness. So go and enjoy slapstick, while I dig into the new PGW I have procured. The flight trip tomorrow shall be entertaining I am sure...and hopefully I'll be blessed with a child-free airplane...

Abhi said...

whoa ! when were these guys born ? during some riots ? chill mike , I found the article funny . I wish people could just lighten up a bit .

Ravi Kiran said...

Not a befitting reply...you are utter nonsense

Crazyfoetus said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Crazyfoetus said...

Sigh! In reality people always consume misconceptions but sneer at opinions ... Whats wrong in being opinionated? ... Every friggin individual is opinionated and I hate people who points out to other people that they r opinionated ... Fucking hypocrites!

anonychooha said...

And it's almost impossible to find an Indian who can appreciate subtlety blended with bluntness.

Wow. Perhaps you could elaborate in the next issue of The Nightmare Times. What could be the reason? Is it just one of those things that makes Indians who they are? Or is it because we are forced to communicate in a language that is fundamentally alien to our thought process? Or what?

Zarine said...

Umm..didnt u build this post around the Austrian article? :)

If not, I stand corrected. :)

Darth Midnightmare said...

@Hilter's Soul: Thanks and bingo about wishing people would lighten up.

@Ravi K: Yawn! Like I asked for an opinion...

@crazyf: Yep, thanks :-)

@Anony: I stand by what I said. How many Indian comedies do you see that are subtle in their form of humour? Indians perfer slapstick humour by and large. A fat person on the screen is laughed at regardles of what action is in progess while subtle or situational humour is hardly ever appreciated. It has nothing to do with language. Want examples?

@Zarine: Of course I built that post around the article :-). And yes, I love riling people with such statements.

nikalank said...

funny, yes.

just to understand, is it just the way they look and the mess they create that is abhors you, or is it the concept? I just want to understand how deep your hatred for them really goes...

I hate the mess they create and the sometimes excruciating headache they can cause... but i feel they are the purest form of us. They dont judge, they dont care, they voice their opinions immaterial of the target audience, they have the simplest perception of life.

Its only after growing up do we realise that after maturity we wrk our asses off to like kids...to be in a place in life where we can do the f*** we want...

dislike them all u want, all i am saying is that is where you were and that is where you are headed...

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