It’s been a year since I started blogging. Yep, was in August 2004 that I started. Thanks to Falconmyst for pointing that out. I still remember my emotions then. There was something that it seemed to me was not quite right in life. Sure, I had just got into an IIM, a very troublesome person had just passed right out of my life, the worst seemed well behind me, life seemed like it was at the start of a new road almost…..and yet…..there was something that was not quite right….or perhaps there was something that was missing.
I wasn’t able to say really what it was. It was almost as if I had no real idea what it was that was missing or was wrong….and yet there was something like that. Happens to all of us from time to time I think. And yet it’s inconceivable that we don’t know what is wrong. After all, if we know something is wrong, surely it is because some part of us recognises that there is something wrong or missing. So why don’t we know it? Why do we feel so helpless? Why feel so resigned to the fact that we should just shove the thought away, consign it to the recesses of our minds where we can’t see it and proceed on our merry way?
I guess it’s because life’s easier that way…because the part of us that knows the problem is a part of us that is lost to us almost….from being our very consciousness, it is now a part of our subconscious……and it is a part that the we are taught to forget….taught to ignore, though not to bluntly….and that’s why we can’t see just what the problem is….although, since that part of is inextricably linked to our beings, we are not able to ignore it to the point that we are able to nullify the emotions that it creates…..
Try hard enough, look deep enough within and we all can find the problem…every single time….without exception……that’s why I write I guess. When I write, I just let myself go. I shut the conscious part of my brain….try to stop thinking of what I am writing and let the words flow…editing things like that is meaningless…..but read what flows and sometimes you see things that you wouldn’t normally see……each of us can do that in our own unique way…and the beauty lies in the fact that no one other than you can see it the same way…..because the answers define you…the words are you, the thoughts are real, the meaning is sublime…..and the consciousness that results is life……
Seeking the endless road to walk down,
Looking for everlasting pain,
Hope you find the will to live again,
Burning the water along your way,
Eyes dry and words form a river,
Walls stand up to the rising waves,
Kicking away a pebble so easy,
Boulders don’t crack or roll away
Clouds welcome me to a home that lies there,
Empty rooms remind me of ancient ruins,
Mist falls and blocks the lights here,
But darkness….it still never descends,
Beseeching the fresh touch of life and more,
So keen to start anew today,
Packed my bags to walk away now,
Dying is all that lies in the way
Pull the plug on the way out,
The light it continues still to shine,
A blind man never saw so clearly,
When every truth you speak is such a lie,
I know we didn’t see it coming,
Never thought you too were meant to die,
Could not allow you any closer,
Now walls show more than I can hide
Yeah, writing helps….but sometimes it just tells you more than you wanted to know…..