Sunday, June 19, 2005

In Mars We Trust - V

To start off, let me just list down a few pearls of wisdom that have flowed from the beautiful and lipstick-coated lips of a few women I happen to know….and then we'll get to the driver joke that people have asked for....

“You know, it was one of those days when everything goes wrong and you know, those are the days when somehow, nothing seems to go right, and then you feel as if, whatever you do, somehow, everything will go wrong and….well….everything goes wrong…” (Oh! Do you think that may have something to do with nothing going right?)

Fresher woman on IIML campus asking a senior guy for certain directions:

She: Can you tell me where the confectionary shop is?
Guy: Huh? Confectionary shop?
She: Yeah. I need to buy a lock!

Like, what was she thinking? Perhaps she felt that if she lost her key, at least she could eat a nice, “sweet” little lock, instead of having to break an ugly metal one…..

Another fresher woman to senior guy whom she knew in college:

“Hi! I’ve been looking for you for the past week! I mean not really looking for you, but you know, since I reached here day before, I was trying to find you. Not exactly searching for you, but I was in a way looking for you.”

If you think you’re floored, imagine that poor chap’s expression!!! He was sitting in the middle of a group of his friends and looked as if he just couldn’t wait for the Earth to split and consume him……

Or how about this one, from a girl headed to the hallowed portals of IIMA:

“I never thought I could make it to IIMA. I was totally confident that I would crack CAT and the interview and GD and all, but I was sure I would never make it to IIMA. I was so surprised when I even got an interview call! And seriously, though I was so confident that I would crack CAT and all, I never thought I would get calls and all….”

No, I shall not divulge names here……and no, I do not have a clue what this woman was trying to convey….somehow though, I get the feeling she may not have known what the word “cracking” means when used in this context……*sigh*

Anyway, as promised, here’s the “driver” joke…..

Now, one fine day, Batman decided to pick up Superman and head out for a nice, long drive in the country……on the way though, the stupid Batmobile broke down and being miles away from home and Alfred, there was just nothing that could be done about it…..because both these chappies had been too busy fighting crime to ever learn about repairing cars and mundane things like that…..

Well, along came this couple, a really intelligent man and a really intelligent woman….and they offered these two a lift. Having no real option, the offer was accepted at once and the happy foursome headed on into the open country roads.

A mile down the road, the car had an accident and three of the passengers died……guess who the only survivor was!

Yep, as you may have guessed, this is a feminist joke thus far…..it was the intelligent woman as the rest are fictitious characters….

Women stop reading here!!!!!

Now guys, between ourselves, we all know that we needed to give them some false solace and that’s the only reason why we told them that one….we all know the real truth!!!! And Hell, let’s face it! It had to be the stupid woman that was driving…..that’s the only way they could have had an accident on an open country road!!!!!

Women: If you’re reading this, you’ve just proved the point. You don’t LISTEN!!!!!

8 comments:

Naveen Nathani said...

d00d...wher dya meet these females...frankly i have come across a substantial number of them but never have i seen such girls...u make me feel like a novice when it comes to teh other sex...or maybe its only teh weird ones who cross ur path...;)
good luck with the ladies(and withe everythin else in life..)
naveen

IssacMJ said...

Hey Mike,

Have to say you have got an amazing repertoire of topics to speak on and speak in style.Keep the good work going!
PG.Com has just become too big for those good ol' quizzes,Sachin posts and Ferrari celebrations...

Cheerio!
Issac

Anonymous said...

hey MVB...i kinda had a feeling abt the ending...but not really...knew that it would be smthg to needle girls...but then i just read...coz i really didn't know...but i knew for sure it would have to do smthg abt the lady driving...but u know i just read..coz u never know for sure...coz u said women stop reading...there had to be smthg to it...i was sure..n so i read on...n then again i didn't know what to expect...though i knew it had to be abt driving skills…but then again :))

ok…I was kidding(just incase ur pompous male brain didn’t get it)

ok...MEN stop reading now...

A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.
MORAL OF THE STORY: If only men would listen.

Men: If you’re reading this, you’ve just proved the point. You don’t LISTEN!!!!!

Susie Derkins

Darth Midnightmare said...

Naveen: Chill dude.....these posts are all in good humour....nothing more....though I must say that the woman who asked for that confectionary shop is something outta this world.....but I don't classify that as a "Sigh...women" thing....you have dumbasses on both sides :D

Issac: Thnx for droppin' by......more on yuors...

Susie: Great one :D:D:D. The moment I read that fir4st line I knew you were taking my case about the first woman mentioned. Oh, BTW, I didn't read that joke ;-) (Have fallen for it earlier, so now do the smart thing ;-) )

All in all, no offence meant with these posts. And someone please tell those Naari Morchas to call off their goons. I am tired of ducking bullets!!!! ;-)

The Man Who Wasnt There said...

ha ha! you know mike I am getting this rather uncomfortable feeling that perhaps it is the over analysing single men like us( and if I might add with the sexual orientation straight!) who actually end up not bringing home the bacon..( and pun interpreted was not intentional..)Yeah women are a mystery species....when do you plan to give up?;)

Darth Midnightmare said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Darth Midnightmare said...

*Sigh*. Girish, I gave up on women a long time back. My ex girlfriend thught I "couldn't take a hint". Why? Coz when she said "It's such nice weather outside. It's almost romantic.", I did not realize that she wanted me to take her out and propose. When I finally did a few months later, she told me about this....and I gave up on women right then and there......ok....so there was a little bit more, but this was it :-)

As for landing the bacon, please check an earlier post of mine linked below....and women, please do so too!!!!! :-)

http://midnightmare.blogspot.com/2005/01/ode-to-nice-guys.html

The Man Who Wasnt There said...

ha ha! That "nice guy
was a hilarious post!!! I would have enjoyed it more if not for the harsh reality of it....:( It would be paltering with the truth to say "I also feel the same way" but still "some" observations seem to be straight out of my book of life!;) And yeah you can say that again abt the inability to "not take a hint.." :( If men are "that" smart when it comes to these things they would never marry in the first place!! :D:D Women! they see "mystery" and "riddle" in the most obscure places....and it is not surprising when the sexually-not-straight oriented ppl look upon us with nothing less than a snooty air and hey hold on..was that look of contmeptuous "pity"?? Ah! well..lets blame it all on the vicissitudes of Evolution for not having made the homo sapiens an asexually reproducing species....the things we men have to undergo just for the sustenance of species..;)